ASIAN MEN

Other Links for Asian men

• Newsweek - Asian men are coming into their own. Shows why an increasing number of Caucasian women date Asian men.
• Asian Week - Myth of the Angry Asian Man. Discusses the dating issues from an Asian American college perspective. A little biased against AF/WM dating, but all in all a good article.
• Tanaka's Site - This guy really put a lot of thought into the "disparity" issue. I don't entirely agree with him, but I respect the thought and he does discuss alternate viewpoints.
• Hollywood's Mission Statement - A discussion on Asians in the media by Steve Parks, an Asian American actor. Yolk magazine also posted an interesting response
• Vanishing Sons - A research paper by Amy Kashiwabara of UC Berkley.

Asian Men and AF/WM Couples

Most Asian men are pretty accepting of the Asian Woman/Caucasian man relationship. However, if you are an Asian woman dating Caucasian men, you have probably noticed that some Asian men are not to happy. I have also experienced experienced a range of negative reactions, from a "why are you dating him" to outright glares.

I think the core of the resentment is the fact that Asian men are having a hard time on the dating scene. The stereotypes they face are not sexy. They are seen as nice, clean cut, naive, and nerdy. If an Asian man is more assertive he risks being labled as domineering, close minded and sexist.

Asian men have been a highly vocal group on the discussion forum and in my guest book. For all the outrage and general anger, I am glad they participate. A few have been extremely insightful and have profoundly changed the way I think about Asian men. So if you are an Asian man, feel free to post here. But I do ask that you are also open minded, and willing to change some of your notions as well.

Thoughts for Asian Men

This page discusses perceptions. I do not agree with the perception that ALL Asian men are stuck in their ways, and incapable of allowing a woman to experience her freedom. I think there are Asian men out there who are like that, but I personally know many who are not.

I am not going to beat around the bush about one thing. I have dated a lot of Asian women who are dating white men exclusively. A lot of Asian men on this site want to blame the media, the white power structure and anything else, but their own culture. I have come to agree these are factors (see below.) BUT the fact is that these women are rebelling against some aspects of traditional Asian culture, and the men who follow it. If you choose not to believe this it is fine with me, but you are missing part of the picture.

The Caucasian woman/ Asian man couple does happen, though there are more barriers to this relationship. I think white women are coming to find Asian men attractive and vice-versa. A number of white women have written this page and said they found Asian men attractive. Also, second generation Asian men outdate a lot more than first generation.

One word of advice. Knowing that you have these negative stereotypes gives you the power to overcome them. For example, if women view you as domineering, go out of your way to prove otherwise. You will be known as an exceptional Asian man. What woman wouldn't want an exceptional man.

Remember, Caucasian men who date Asian women are not out to get you. In fact, we frequently join your families and become your friends. The next time you see a Caucasian at an Asian event with his girlfriend, try to get to know him. He probably feels awkward and out of place. I have made life long Asian friends (male and female) by dating Asian women.

Are Asian men being treated fairly?

No, and neither are the rest of us. Prejudice is not discriminatory. It crosses racial and gender boundaries. None are safe from it's insidious effects. Asian women may have an easier time getting a date, but many men who pursue them tend to objectify them. If you think white men have it easy guess again. You can read some of the things people say to get a small idea of what we deal with.

Some Asian men have been very whiny about the way Asian women treat them. If you think I am being harsh, again, I refer you to my guest book. I have heard Asian women complain about Asian men's whining. So watch out for this perception!

Women like men who are self assured and confident. If you are one of those whiners KNOCK IT OFF. You are not helping yourself or Asian men in general.

The Media

I used to think that Asian men were wrong about the media, but several of them have pointed out how wrong I am. I started looking at the movies and had to agree that there were indeed only a few movies where Asian men were portrayed in a positive light.

I have come to believe that the media has problems in their representation of Asian men. I want to point it out on this site, but I as a white man am not really qualified to write about the plight of the Asian man in Hollywood. I will work with someone to develop a page on this site that discusses this issue...but so far out of the hundreds of complainers not one Asian man has cared enough to do it.

It is possible to set up a button on this site that will send a Fax to producers in hollywood. You can see an example of this at www.scorecard.org They have a button called "fax the polluter" I think it would really make a point if we set up something similar aimed at the hollywood media machine. However, this is beyond my technical ability. If anyone could figure it out I will host it.

Positive Media for Asian Men

One thing I really want to emphasize is to encourage positive images. It is one thing to criticize, but you are just complaining if you offer no solution. I think we should point out good images of Asian men in the media and demand more. Here are some positive media images:

• Pushing Hands - An Asian man who handles tension between his Chinese father and Caucasian wife.
• Snow Falling on Cedars - Features an Asian man whose Asian wife is totally devoted to him.
• Anna and the King - About a dozen white women I know are drooling over Chow Yun Phat in this movie. A real breakthrough production.

Science Fiction and Martial Arts seem to be the two mediums that portray Asian men in the best light. I give a thumbs up to Star Trek...but I am a Trekkie, so maybe I am biased.

more...

Asian Men and this Site

Quite a few Asian men really hate this site. Others cannot believe the reaction they see from some Asian men. Some Asian men have written me and said they found nothing offensive here, but most of the Asian men have a negative opinion of this site.

Let me clarify one thing. This website was NEVER meant to say Asian men are inferior or that white men are better. It is looking in a frank and honest way at some of the reasons the AF/WM couple is common. I was initially shocked by the reaction many Asian men had to this site.

In my life Asian men are my:

• friends,
• colleagues,
• teachers, and potential in-laws.

In fact, I talk a lot with them about Asian women.

I realized that many Asian men here negative stereotypes of them, and assume this page is another attack on them. All I can say is that it is not. I NEVER say white men are superior, or that AF/WM relationships are superior...go ahead, read the entire site...you won't find anything that says we are superior.